On being a dad .....

I am not sure which of these two pictures most closely matches what my children think of me.

I guess there are times when I am sure they would echo Bart's views of their dad as an embarassment.... there is a weird rule of the universe which dictates that after children pass a certain age, their father's jokes are immediately rendered totally devoid of humour.... How does that work? It is always such an achievement when they laugh spontaneously at something I have deliberately said to entertain. Actually, make that an achievement if even one out of the three of them laughs, most of the time.... And yet, other people laugh at me... or is that laugh with me? I'm worried now....

And I am not the heroic type really. Just an average Jo, going about his daily life, albeit with a fair bit of unconventionality thrown in, these days.

No manual is supplied when you become a parent. Well, I guess Dr Spock and Miriam Stoppard have some wise words, but there are times when parenting is tough enough to make you wish you could take a leaf out of the book of another famous Spock, and just say "Beam me up, Scotty!"

And then, along comes a week like I have just had, and it makes it all worthwhile .... And I think, maybe I am not so bad at this parenting lark, after all.

Following on from the chat with my daughter , she has continued to work well at her new job. And last night, she asked whether I could help her, by seeing how well she had taken in some information she had to learn for a test today. I was kinda busy, but we spent about an hour going through it all.... I am almost an expert in the different excess levels of various policies myself now!!!! Off she went to work today, and I got a text around lunchtime, saying she had come top of the group with 95%.... Two things made my day there. The fact that she had done so well, but more importantly, that she had texted and shared her thrill at that achievement....

On to middle daughter.... She had high hopes of having a new boyfriend, earlier this week.... and then yesterday, got some news via MySpace or Facebook or some other site like that, that the lad in question was finding it hard to choose between her and someone else.... Cue floods of tears.... And at first, she did not want to tell me.... So I sat with her. Her older sister came in, and she began to get some of her sadness out.... And older sister (all of 18) began to come out with some of the things I would have said, but have learnt not to, as I did not want to make it worse.... (like, "you are only 15, there's plenty of time yet", and "actually, he has been pretty decent by being honest", etc, etc). I said as much, telling my eldest that she had nicked some of my lines....

And I started to be all sympathetic.... And both girls turned to me and said "no offence dad" (Three words to strike fear into every father's heart!), "but sometimes, when you use that really sympathetic voice, it makes us feel even worse".... (they know I am sympathetic, to most of their situations, but I guess they do not want "that voice" to prove it). Anyway, searching quickly in my range of other voices, to try and find something particularly manly, I settled on an australian accent, for some reason, and burst into a routine in which Bruce confesses to not wanting to upset his two Sheilas, but "what's a man to do...." This was a lesson to me... When sympathy fails, go for the bruce and sheila routine.... It worked really well, absolutely more by luck than judgement.... Got them both laughing, and afterwards, my younger daughter said that it had really helped, thanks....

And then, my son, aged 13, and going through "that stage".... Having to cope with spots, high school life, girls, and walking the tightrope of popularity and also being a really decent lad.... He has had some issues with a lad in his year, who has been to put it bluntly a right pain in the backside, as he has been poisoning some of my son's friendships. You hate seeing your kids sad, and yet, sometimes, they do not want to listen to advice.... So instead, I encourage him to go and knock several lumps out of his punchbag.....

Today, he was due to be going out with some of these friends after school, and was really looking forward to it, as the guilty party was not going.... But it was raining cats and dogs this afternoon, and I felt sorry for him, so I went and picked him up from school. And offered him a lift into town. He told me he was not going, could not be bothered. That sounded to me like a bad day at school, more discouragement. And so I suggested that he should change his mind again, and still go. He stuck to his guns. His mobile rang, it was one of the friends, but he did not answer it.... I offered my phone so he could call her, but he declined. I started to offer my advice, that he should push himself in this situation, go into town to see his friends, without the difficult lad around.... and allow his own true good qualities to shine through.... He said that when he is older, he will gladly accept my advice about managing his money, and his home, etc, but he didn't think I could help him with this.... (Why do kids forget that their parents were children once, and may just have had some experience of life, friendship and love?)

Anyway, I let it go, we went in, and then five minutes later, one of the friends rang.... Asked if he was coming, and, in his words, sounded really excited, when he said he would go..... And then, he popped his head into the kitchen and with a sheepish grin, asked whether I would mind taking him in to town..... Of course, I said. And that was enough said....

When he came back in the early evening, he had had a great time. And again, he came to see me specifically to say thanks for encouraging him.....

I hope he will learn from these things.... Maybe he will, maybe he won't. Well, maybe not this time.... But I also hope that I continue to learn, to be a better parent, to listen better, to respond better, to spend more time with them, just being their dad, and perhaps even to be able to tell better jokes!!! Well, maybe one thing too much to hope for.....

So,Homer Simpson or Hero Dad? I think I will just settle for being their dad, and being there, dad .....

And when all else fails, there is always Bruce and Sheila to rely on.....