Random.....

Fellow single dad KPETT had something I thought was pretty fun posted on his blog. Here's how it works:

1 – Go to Wikipedia’s random article page
The first article you get is the name of your band

2 – Go to the Random Quotations page
The last four words of the last quote is the album title

3 – Go to Flickr’s Interesting photo page
Third picture, no matter what it is, is your album cover

If you can edit the photo, add the band name and 4 words to make the album cover.

Have fun with yours! Here's mine:

Drive That Fast's first release: "What We Could Become".


So, what are you waiting for? Go buy it!!!!!

Dr Who and church membership

So what has Dr Who got to do with church membership? Answers in the comments section please, but here's one connection.

A few weeks ago, we had a baptismal service at church. Usually, Phil our minister plans the order of service very carefully, but I reckon, this week, he must have shifted things round in his word document on the computer without actually checking it, as we took Richard into church membership before he had been baptised. Not the right way round at all. I do hope the Baptist Church police aren't reading this... Then again, why would they, no-one else does...

Anyway, one could be forgiven for thinking it is actually a sensible way of doing it, as Richard would have been totally soaked after the baptism and being accepted into membership and taking communion would not have been too convenient under those circusmtances. For a start, it would have made the bread soggy.

And Phil might have got away with no-one noticing it, but he went and drew attention to the rather unusual order of events. But then as explanation, he said that he thought it did not really matter to God, as God is outside time.... And that, to quote Dr Who, it is one of those timey wimey moments.

If you need an explanation of that, here is the good Doctor himself, explaining the concept of Timey wimey stuff.

There, hope that helped. Not often that Dr Who makes his way into a church service, but I suppose there is a similarity. After all, Dr Who is a Time Lord, but Jesus Christ tops that, as He IS the Lord of time.

Stepping Stones ....

I wonder if, like me, you grew up enjoying family holidays in the country, messing about in rivers, paddling in streams, climbing up waterfalls. I don’t think my parents have ever quite recovered from their experience of one family holiday in Snowdonia, when my sister and I went off up a river bank, saying we were going exploring, and then some while later, seeing my sister’s flip flop floating past the river bank on which they were sitting…. We did turn up a lot later, and reassured them we were fine. What they did not know (which can’t hurt them) is that she lost her flip flop whilst we were climbing up a waterfall…. Ah, the recklessness of youth (I was 15, she was 13!!).

I don’t know if anyone recognises the scene below. They are the Stepping Stones at Dovedale, in the Peak district of Derbyshire. I remember visiting them when I was about 16. Several years ago, a group of us went up to the Peak District for a weekend in March, as we were attending a friend’s wedding in Manchester on the Saturday, and fancied somewhere picturesque to stay. Well, we booked a cottage for about 14, and set off on our journey in the late afternoon sun, and eventually arrived, in dribs and drabs, fairly late in the evening, having driven across the peaks in quite thick snow. We had no idea how picturesque our location was, having arrived in the dark; we were just glad to arrive safely. On the Saturday morning, we woke to the most glorious scene of snow on the hill slopes below us. That’s by the by. A good weekend was had by all, including the wedding. And on the Monday, we travelled down to Dovedale, as it was on our way home to Essex. Several of us knew the place, and thought it would be fun amongst other things to cross the river via the stepping stones.



NB The picture above was taken in summer. It would not matter if you waded across via the water in summer, rather than stick to the stones, as the water is not icy cold. But the scene that greeted us was of a river in far fuller force, with the water lapping the top of the stones. Some of them were under water, in fact. Not even the most adventurous of us dared an icy soaking, especially as we were travelling straight on from there back home. The stepping stones were not a practical way of getting to the other side….

We have been looking in our house group at church at a book called “Beyond the Good Samaritan” by Ann Morisy over the last few weeks. A friend gave me the book, years ago, probably just after it came out in 1997, advising that it was my type of book. To my shame, I don’t think I got past the first chapter at the time. I was too comfortable in my “zone”. Maybe it is more timely for me to read now. I can't understand why it did not really grab me, back then, as it certainly is resonating with me far more now. The book explains how community ministry unites practical social responsibility and active Christian mission across all denominations, to serve the basic needs of those around us.

In the chapter we looked at last night, the author talked about creating stepping stones for those we are aiming to reach to use to come to faith, to come to Christ. And we had a very practical discussion of the activities we arrange, the issues in which we get involved, and the ways we seek to connect with our community.

At the end of the evening, we turned to prayer. And I found myself grappling with one of those "bubble up" prayers, that you just know you can’t keep down. The trouble with those I find sometimes is that I know what the first few words are but I haven’t a clue what comes next. And so it was last night. And I found myself, in prayer, reminiscing about family holidays, and paddling in rivers, etc, as described above. And I actually said out loud that I did not have a clue why I was praying this. And then, the prayer unfolded (which is better than unravelled!!). I recalled the experience of stepping onto a stone that is not firmly embedded in the water, and finding that it wobbled, which was a bit scary, or even rolled completely, which usually resulted in us getting wetter than we had bargained for. And also the recklessness of over-reaching for the stepping stone that is just too far away, and again, ending up in the water.

And I found myself praying that God would help us to put stepping stones in place which were firmly embedded in God, that would not wobble when people stepped on them, that as they explored being with Christians, as they investigated faith, that their trust and openness would not be damaged by un-thought through plans or misguided intentions.

And also, that we would put things in place that do not require people to over-reach themselves. For example, we see a lot of kids and young people come to the young people’s activities, we begin to build relationships with mums and dads as they drop off and pick up their children, we invite them to the odd social event, and then what next… invite them in to church? Well, it might work with some, but it may be a stepping stone or two too far for so many others, and we need to think about what we can put in place that is manageable for people. I even remember that as a kid, if we were trying to cross a river, and there was a large gap between stones, we might even pick up a largish rock and place it somewhere in the water, to make it less necessary to leap prodigiously across a gap. And so with people we meet in our communities. Maybe we need to pick up a few stones too. By going out into our communities more and sitting where people sit, doing and being church where they are, not expecting them to come to us.

Tying the knot...

It is a while since I blogged on here, I know, for all kinds of reasons. It is not an oblogation of course (sorry!!) and writing blogs should not be a chore, so I don’t feel guilty, but I do miss writing, so maybe I will try to do it more often.

Me and Emma, together almost 2 years!!! Amazing really. And because we are engaged, I guess it is inevitable that people occasionally asked me whether we have “any plans”, or "When are you two going to tie the knot?"

My response to that has been that it will happen when it is meant to happen, when circumstances allow. But I was musing on what the question means? Knots secure things, it is true, but our lives are so woven together already, that it is very hard to see the patchwork we have already created coming unravelled. I think maybe in church life, people often like to see things neat and tidy and conforming to the norms. i.e. If people have been engaged for a year, then surely they will get married at such and such a point or at least set a date. And that may be behind one or two of the comments I get sometimes. It just isn't always that easy, when circumstances are like ours, living 8000 miles apart, each of us with our three kids to consider, and not in a position to move to the other country at present.

I have pondered on the fact that the trouble with knots is that they can come undone, can't they? I have my own personal experience of that, sadly. And I always remember reading a book called "The Weight of Water" by Anita Shreve. It was a story of a married couple who on the surface look very solid and in love, and in the net of whose lives, lots of other people are caught up. But in the wake of a tragedy, their life together falls apart, and the author talks of it as a knot in the net coming undone, and everything they had being lost, as the net unravelled.

A new friend has recently given me lots of information about “tying the knot” and where that saying came from. Apparently, according to some article on the internet (or rather, an advert for wedding paraphernalia), "'tying the knot' has various sources. One source believes it stems from the betrothal knot. Rather than the now common engagement ring, history shows that most jewelry was in imitation of knotted cords worn by primitive people around fingers, ankles, wrists and other body parts. Additionally, in Persian and Iranian wedding ceremonies the bride and groom would join hands under a curtain separating the two. A piece of cloth would be wrapped around them and tied with a symbolic knot. Finally, a twist of yarn is wrapped around the couple seven times, then around the knot seven times. More current is the Mexican Catholic practice called lazo, in which a cord is draped around the shoulders of the bride and groom. The cord is then bound by a cross to signify the couple being joined by God. Thinking about it, I remember a similar ceremony at a Greek Orthodox wedding ceremony I attended in Cyprus, years ago.

Various cultures throughout the world have their own ideas of matrimony as "tying the knot." The lovers knot has been an emblem in marriage from the remotest times. It is symbolic of love and duty, and represents an indissoluble union in many societies. In some African cultures, long grasses are braided together and used to tie the hands of the groom and bride together to symbolize their union. In India delicate twine is used in the Hindu Vedic wedding ceremony to bind one of the bride's hand to one of the hands of the groom."

And in Celtic traditions, the idea of a knot tied is important. A Celtic knot is by no means simple. Celts sensed that at the heart of the universe is a level of complexity that cannot be explained by a simple one dimensional theory. So my friend has said that a Celtic knot is a call to humility in the face of overwhelming and mind-boggling complexity.

An old minister at my church used to talk about tapestries. He said if you looked at the back of a tapestry, you could be forgiven for thinking it would look a total mess from out front, as there would be many knotted threads, a myriad of different colours with no overall pattern, perhaps even loose threads in various places. But turn the thing round and view it from the front, and you see the whole picture, see beauty in it, see the point of the design.

So I think I prefer the idea of being woven together or "tapestried" in relationship, and one day in marriage, by allowing the various circumstances of life to be opportunities for us to intermingle, in big ways and small.

When shall we tie the knot? Perhaps I should start saying that I don't know but that we are already being woven together, or made into a tapestry. Or maybe that would lead to more questions... Like, Jo, have you lost the plot?

Don't put things off...

Sometimes you come across a little gem on some other web site. There is a blog on blogger.com called "Amazing Facts", which I know some friends of mine have accessed as I recognise some of the images. Most of the site consists of great pictures and images from around the world.

But the blogger tells this story, or maybe reproduces like I am doing, but did not attribute it to someone else. It moved me, and I pass it on for anyone who comes across my blog. You can see it at :

http://myamazingfact.blogspot.com/2008/07/date.html

A date !

After 21 years of marriage, my wife wanted me to take another woman out to dinner and a movie. She said I love you but I know this other woman loves you and would love to spend some time with you.

The other woman that my wife wanted me to visit was my MOTHER, who has been a widow for 19 years, but the demands of my work and my three children had made it possible to visit her only occasionally.

That night I called to invite her to go out for dinner and a movie.

"What's wrong, are you well?" she asked. My mother is the type of woman who suspects that a late night call or a surprise invitation is a sign of bad news.

"I thought that it would be pleasant to be with you," I responded. "Just the two of us."

She thought about it for a moment, and then said, "I would like that very much."

That Friday after work, as I drove over to pick her up I was a bit nervous. When I arrived at her house, I noticed that she, too, seemed to be nervous about our date. She waited in the door with her coat on. She had curled her hair and was wearing the dress that she had worn to celebrate her last wedding anniversary. She smiled from a face that was as radiant as an angel's.

"I told my friends that I was going to go out with my son, and they were impressed, "she said, as she got into the car. "They can't wait to hear about our meeting".

We went to a restaurant that, although not elegant, was very nice and cozy. My mother took my arm as if she were the First Lady. After we sat down,I had to read the menu. Large print. Half way through the entries, I lifted my eyes and saw Mom sitting there staring at me. A nostalgic smile was on her lips.

"It was I who used to have to read the menu when you were small," she said.

"Then it's time that you relax and let me return the favor," I responded.

During the dinner, we had an agreeable conversation - nothing extraordinary, but catching up on recent events of each other's life. We talked so much that we missed the movie.

As we arrived at her house later, she said, "I'll go out with you again, but only if you let me invite you." I agreed.

"How was your dinner date?" asked my wife when I got home. "Very nice. Much more so than I could have imagined," I answered.

A few days later, my mother died of a massive heart attack. It happened so suddenly that no-one could do anything for her.

Some time later, I received an envelope with a copy of a restaurant receipt from the same place mother and I had dined.

An attached note said: "I paid this bill in advance. I wasn't sure that I could be there; but nevertheless, I paid for two plates - one for you and the other for your wife. You will never know what that night meant for me. I love you, son."

At that moment, I understood the importance of saying in time: "I LOVE YOU!" and to give our loved ones the time that they deserve.

Nothing in life is more important than God and your family. Give them the time they deserve, because these things cannot be put off till "some other time."

I do agree with the principle of not putting things off. There are some occasions when I have been so glad I have acted, rather than hesitated. I don't like hospitals generally, and I guess most people find it hard to see people they have once known as hale and hearty, now a pale shadow of themselves, but I was glad that I went to see my late father in law in hospital the day before he died, to say goodbye. I was glad I wrote letters to people who were dying, which their family wrote to them, as I could not be there, and that those letters seemed to mean something to the people concerned, before they died. I am glad that I sometimes act on impulse or hunch, and visit friends or speak up at times when I sense their problems. But I don't always do it, I don't always have the courage of my convictions, I don't always act when I know I should.

Perhaps acknowledging this story from someone else's life, and recording it in my blog of life, will prove inspirational when I need it. Time will tell...

So who's going to win the World Championships?

This year, 2008, we have already seen the European Championships in football. No UK presence, and to be honest, I had other things on, so I watched less than one half of a football match this tournament. At least it was the second half of the final, and I could witness Germany losing.

And later this year, it is the Olympics in China. No real prospect of a haul of medals for Great Britain there either, and I don't reckon I will watch any of it..

These big events hold little interest to me these days. I rarely watch any Premiership football, and I didn't even get to watch Southend United play once last season, having been a real home match regular for years.

There are other priorities in my life now. Like writing on my blog. Yeah, right, first time since February here.

So, something deep and meaningful to share with my readership (haha)? Well, of course. I was amused by this story the other day of an important World Championship event... A guy who had lived in the UK for years was heading back to his home country to take part in the World Sauna Championships.

Sauna is the only Finnish word in the English language (if that does not sound Irish or Double Dutch), so you WOULD think we would pronounce it right. But we don't. It is pronounced "Sowna". Anyway, they hold a World Championships back in Helsinki, every year, for both men and women, and the object of the exercise is to see who can last the longest in temperatures starting from 110 degrees Celsius (230 degrees Fahrenheit) and climbing to 130 degrees Celsius (266 degrees Fahrenheit) in the final round. The rules are simple: stay seated and don't wipe your sweat off.

There were of course loads of Finns in the competition, but this is a true world championships, unlike the World Series in baseball in the States, between only teams from the US of A. Joining the pro-perspirant Finns are fellow Northern European sauna aficionados from Germany as well as representatives of countries where you don't usually need steam to sweat, including Morocco, Egypt and Australia.

Last year, the final two competitors in both the men and women's events were Finnish, so the winner of both events were Finnish. Cue lots of headlines about he or she who is left in there at the end will Finnish as the winner.... except that pun probably does not work in the Finnish language....

Anyway, I am not sure when this year's final is happening, I missed that bit of the interview. But I was amused to hear that the guy who was due to be taking part was in all seriousness asking people to sponsor him, by buying advertising space on his chest!!!!

And his piece de resistance? "So, Timo, how can people contact you about this sponsorship?" "Well, Dave, all they need to do is to e-mail me at SaunaChampion@hotmail.co.uk ". Hot male? Hmm. Here's last year's winner. Make your own mind up.


PS No idea if that link works by the way, but feel free to find out...

On being a dad .....

I am not sure which of these two pictures most closely matches what my children think of me.

I guess there are times when I am sure they would echo Bart's views of their dad as an embarassment.... there is a weird rule of the universe which dictates that after children pass a certain age, their father's jokes are immediately rendered totally devoid of humour.... How does that work? It is always such an achievement when they laugh spontaneously at something I have deliberately said to entertain. Actually, make that an achievement if even one out of the three of them laughs, most of the time.... And yet, other people laugh at me... or is that laugh with me? I'm worried now....

And I am not the heroic type really. Just an average Jo, going about his daily life, albeit with a fair bit of unconventionality thrown in, these days.

No manual is supplied when you become a parent. Well, I guess Dr Spock and Miriam Stoppard have some wise words, but there are times when parenting is tough enough to make you wish you could take a leaf out of the book of another famous Spock, and just say "Beam me up, Scotty!"

And then, along comes a week like I have just had, and it makes it all worthwhile .... And I think, maybe I am not so bad at this parenting lark, after all.

Following on from the chat with my daughter , she has continued to work well at her new job. And last night, she asked whether I could help her, by seeing how well she had taken in some information she had to learn for a test today. I was kinda busy, but we spent about an hour going through it all.... I am almost an expert in the different excess levels of various policies myself now!!!! Off she went to work today, and I got a text around lunchtime, saying she had come top of the group with 95%.... Two things made my day there. The fact that she had done so well, but more importantly, that she had texted and shared her thrill at that achievement....

On to middle daughter.... She had high hopes of having a new boyfriend, earlier this week.... and then yesterday, got some news via MySpace or Facebook or some other site like that, that the lad in question was finding it hard to choose between her and someone else.... Cue floods of tears.... And at first, she did not want to tell me.... So I sat with her. Her older sister came in, and she began to get some of her sadness out.... And older sister (all of 18) began to come out with some of the things I would have said, but have learnt not to, as I did not want to make it worse.... (like, "you are only 15, there's plenty of time yet", and "actually, he has been pretty decent by being honest", etc, etc). I said as much, telling my eldest that she had nicked some of my lines....

And I started to be all sympathetic.... And both girls turned to me and said "no offence dad" (Three words to strike fear into every father's heart!), "but sometimes, when you use that really sympathetic voice, it makes us feel even worse".... (they know I am sympathetic, to most of their situations, but I guess they do not want "that voice" to prove it). Anyway, searching quickly in my range of other voices, to try and find something particularly manly, I settled on an australian accent, for some reason, and burst into a routine in which Bruce confesses to not wanting to upset his two Sheilas, but "what's a man to do...." This was a lesson to me... When sympathy fails, go for the bruce and sheila routine.... It worked really well, absolutely more by luck than judgement.... Got them both laughing, and afterwards, my younger daughter said that it had really helped, thanks....

And then, my son, aged 13, and going through "that stage".... Having to cope with spots, high school life, girls, and walking the tightrope of popularity and also being a really decent lad.... He has had some issues with a lad in his year, who has been to put it bluntly a right pain in the backside, as he has been poisoning some of my son's friendships. You hate seeing your kids sad, and yet, sometimes, they do not want to listen to advice.... So instead, I encourage him to go and knock several lumps out of his punchbag.....

Today, he was due to be going out with some of these friends after school, and was really looking forward to it, as the guilty party was not going.... But it was raining cats and dogs this afternoon, and I felt sorry for him, so I went and picked him up from school. And offered him a lift into town. He told me he was not going, could not be bothered. That sounded to me like a bad day at school, more discouragement. And so I suggested that he should change his mind again, and still go. He stuck to his guns. His mobile rang, it was one of the friends, but he did not answer it.... I offered my phone so he could call her, but he declined. I started to offer my advice, that he should push himself in this situation, go into town to see his friends, without the difficult lad around.... and allow his own true good qualities to shine through.... He said that when he is older, he will gladly accept my advice about managing his money, and his home, etc, but he didn't think I could help him with this.... (Why do kids forget that their parents were children once, and may just have had some experience of life, friendship and love?)

Anyway, I let it go, we went in, and then five minutes later, one of the friends rang.... Asked if he was coming, and, in his words, sounded really excited, when he said he would go..... And then, he popped his head into the kitchen and with a sheepish grin, asked whether I would mind taking him in to town..... Of course, I said. And that was enough said....

When he came back in the early evening, he had had a great time. And again, he came to see me specifically to say thanks for encouraging him.....

I hope he will learn from these things.... Maybe he will, maybe he won't. Well, maybe not this time.... But I also hope that I continue to learn, to be a better parent, to listen better, to respond better, to spend more time with them, just being their dad, and perhaps even to be able to tell better jokes!!! Well, maybe one thing too much to hope for.....

So,Homer Simpson or Hero Dad? I think I will just settle for being their dad, and being there, dad .....

And when all else fails, there is always Bruce and Sheila to rely on.....

Keep taking the tablets - Part 2: the parent's revenge.....

The laughter did not end there though..... a little later, my eldest came in to see if I could help her with some prep for her new job which she starts on Monday. It is with an insurance company, and they had sent her a whole load of reading material and a quick quiz, to do before her first day. Bless, her, she had worked really hard to read all through this, but she had to do a few questions putting ticks against places to demonstrate she knew in which world zone they were located, so that she would sell the right insurance cover.....

First few questions, easy enough.... A few places in the UK, Dublin, some places in the States. Then Moscow.... I thought Europe or perhaps Worldwide, excluding Australia, USA and Canada. But that we had better check on the net. So I typed in "Moxcow". And as she laughed at that, I protested, "Don't worry, it is my spelling, not my typing". When in fact, I meant, of course, "it is my typing, not my spelling..." Cue more teasing of dad... (The answer - it turns out Moscow is in Europe.... being located west of the Urals... so now you know - may come in handy at one of those quiz nights).

And then, Estonia..... "Europe", she said, confidently.... Me - "How do you know that?" Her reply, "They won a lot of points one year at the Eurovision Song Contest". Ah well, when the traditional forms of education such as geography fail, there is always the world of light entertainment.... I did point out that Israel and Turkey are also in the Eurovision, but the first would qualify in her insurance quiz as Worldwide, excluding Australia, USA and Canada, and the second technically falls into both Europe and Worldwide (excl... blah blah blah) as it spans the 2 continents of Europe and Asia, but she is right, as Estonia is part of the EU.

And the final question.... "Dad, where are the 'He brids'?" Smiling, I asked where, and she showed me the word. "Oh, you mean the 'He brides'?" "Yes, sorry, that is what I meant.... Geography was never my strong subject," she said, demonstrating that very point. I smiled.... But I did correct the pronunciation to the Hebbbbrides, and showed her that they were part of the UK, as I was not so keen to have some measure of revenge that she and her sister had been laughing at me, that I wanted her to show herself up with her pronunciation the following day.

I am a loving dad, first and foremost. And that often means having to be able to share in your kids' joy, even if it it is sometimes at your own expense.....

Keep taking the tablets.....

Overheard at our church’s Annual General Meeting this afternoon:

A church member was giving a report about the activities over the last year of one of the groups with which she was involved, and highlighting the fact that, usually the afternoon ends with a time when someone leads them through a few thoughts about issues, guides them through to meditate about an aspect of Christianity or life:

“Usually, we finish off with a medication.”

Cue an image of everyone in the group taking some pills to get them through the experience, and general hilarity descended… led, I note, with much holding of head in hands, by her son..

Mind you, I can hardly talk. After recounting the incident to my daughters tonight, we then got onto to new celebrity mothers, as you do….

My eldest informed us that Jennifer Lopez had just had twins. And, wishing to show off my knowledge (newly acquired from wandering down the newspapers and magazines aisle at the shop, I replied, “oh, and Christina Aliguera has had a baby too…..” Cue more hilarity, and shaking of heads at a parent’s inability to speak properly…

Worse thing is, about fifteen minutes later, having decided to share this here, I had to go and ask them to remind me who had just had twins….. Cue even more shaking of heads – “dad, I think you’re losing it….”

Keep taking the medication, Jo!!!!

What You Do With What You've Got....

Anyone who knows me well will know that I have rather a big soft spot for Eddi Reader. I liked Fairground Attraction, but they only lasted one album, and a whole other album's worth of material, which I joyfully found on an album recorded live in Japan, years later.

I never got to see Fairground Attraction play live. But I have seen Eddi live in concert on about seven or eight occasions, and every time, it has been a joy. The last time was literally just over a year ago, and it was wonderful to go and see her with my girlfriend at the time (now my fiancee).

But one song I have never seen her perform live is "What You Do With What You've Got", a song by Si Kahn. That is a real shame, because I love the song, both musically and lyrically. Have a read of the lyrics....

You must know someone like him,
He was tall and strong and lean,
With a body like a greyhound,
And a mind so sharp and keen.
But his heart, just like a laurel,
Grew twisted round itself,
Till almost every thing he did
Caused pain to someone else.

It's not just what you're born with.
It's what you choose to bear.
It's not how big your share is,
But how much you can share.
And it's not the fights you dreamed of
But those you really fought.
It's not what you've been given,
It's what you do with what you've got.

Now what's the good of two strong legs
If you only run away?
And what's the use of the finest voice
If you've nothing good to say?
And what good is strength and muscle
If you only push and shove?
And what's the use of two good ears
If you can't hear those you love?

Between those who use their neighbours
And those who use a cane
Between those in constant power
And those in constant pain
Between those who run to evil
And those who cannot run
Tell me which ones are the cripples
And which ones touch the sun?

Better still, watch the video here.... (you just have to ignore the adverts for BMW at the start and the end - don't know why they are there...)

The song seems to sum up much of what I believe is important, about using your gifts, your talents and your abilities for positive effect, for the good of others. To serve. To help them reach for and touch the sun. Or even to help them to reach for and touch the Son.....

After Valentines Day, more thoughts on love

I was sent this quote the other day, from a website to which I have just started subscribing. Daily, some little gem arrives in my in box, and helps to set me thinking. Well, that and 101 other influences, some from my life, some from the news, some from cyber space. Some of the little gems are more precious than others. This one hit home.

"Reverencing begins with an attitude toward where creation comes from and what essentially it is. Jesus asks us to "love one another as I have loved you." This commandment is the greatest of all and requires a reverential relating. The word relation comes from the Latin meaning "side by side." It is not facing the same way next to each other. It means all our sides, our best side and worst, our inside and out, meeting appropriately the various sides of the other.

"What Jesus did and meant by loving was to continue the creation of those He met. He did heal, feed, find, teach, but always He was bringing life and a fuller sense of who each person was. If I reverently love you, then what I most want for you, through our relationship, is that you know more who you are, accept more who you are, and be more generous in giving yourself as a reverenced gift to others.We reverence as gifts from God those who have loved us not only into life but on to deeper living. Lovers assist God's creation and distribution of life through us. We are more available for loving others when we reverence the persons who have helped God create our good spirit, our softened heart, our gentled face, our welcoming hands."

I wonder how many Valentines Day evenings ended in tears, in disappointment, perhaps even in anger, because lovers fell out with each other, did not get what they wanted or expected, etc. Or how often in life, people who bought the biggest cheesiest cards and most flamboyant presents end up falling out of love, parting in acrimony at worst, or at best, with real sadness.

I sometimes face the shock of realisation that I have got to 47, and am still growing up. It is not that I am surprised that I am still learning, because I know just how much I do not know, how much I need to learn.... But I also realise just how much growing up I still need to do. That IS a shock, at 47. Unless you embrace the excitement of the dawning knowledge of there being so much more, still ahead of you.

This last year for me has been so DIFFERENT. Life had been quite predictable, was stuck in a rut, and although I enjoyed a lot about my life, there was no real prospect of change, of major new directions. Until something major went wrong in October 2006.

And that led on to this last year. Well, so much has changed, I have changed.... my perspectives, my experiences, my self knowledge, my friendships, my capacity to love.

I think it is in that last area that I have grown up the most. I used to think I was quite emotionally mature, well balanced. Well, I still do, looking back, but I can see just how far I have travelled this last year to fifteen months. Maybe there is an extra examination of love, when you are engaged in a long distance relationship. I have done long distances before, but the current 8,000 miles is certainly the longest.

But it has been amazing and wonderful to me, to see just how much love can develop and grow, even despite that distance. And part of that has been about Emma and I standing side by side in everything, sharing everything: from the romantic to the mundane; from the beauty of the countryside we see in the Philippines to the squalor of the urban dump in Manila, where she sometimes works; from the good times when life is easy to the not so good, when we face problems; from the joys to the sorrows..... And in sharing all of those things, we have seen all sides of each other. The times when it is easy to be appreciative of each other, to the times when we are tired and grumpy, or are learning to love aspects of each other which are new, unfamiliar....

It is hard, being separated. In many senses, I see part of my love for Emma as being demonstrated in my willingness to release her, to let her go, to let her serve others, overseas.... It is something she passionately believes in.... And I reverently love her, so what I most want for her, through our relationship, is that she knows more who she is, accepts more who she is, and can be more generous in giving herself as a reverenced gift to others.

And I am so much richer for that.... because, in loving her, I have found new aspects to my own life, which I never dreamt were there. And have found a passion, not just for her, but also for a whole country.... It is something we share now....

In love.....

Valentines Day

So, that was Valentines Day.... Did you get a card? Chocolates? Flowers? Apparently, if you are a bloke, in the UK, you are 85% more likely to have received a valentines card, seeing as that is the proportion of cards bought by women.... If men's valentines day shopping habits are anything like their Christmas present shopping habits are reputed to be, I guess there were still some garages and late night shops, selling the last of their cards and chocolates to some guys in deep trouble, on their way home at about 9 pm yesterday evening....

So, what's it all about? Well, you can look it up on Wikipedia if you are interested, like I did. It seems strange that a day apparently celebrating romantic love is associated with various guys called Valentine, who were executed for their christian faith.

According to one source, St Valentine was persecuted as a Christian and interrogated by the Roman Emperor Claudius II in person. Claudius was impressed by Valentine and had a discussion with him, attempting to get him to convert to Roman paganism in order to save his life. Valentine refused and tried to convert Claudius to Christianity instead. Because of this, he was executed. Before his execution, he is reported to have performed a miracle by healing the blind daughter of his jailer. No connections whatsoever with sentimental love there, so appropriate lore has been embroidered in modern times to portray Valentine as a priest who refused an unattested law attributed to the same emperor, allegedly ordering that young men remain single. The Emperor supposedly did this to increase the size of his army, believing that married men did not make for good soldiers. The priest Valentine, however, secretly performed marriage ceremonies for young men. When Claudius found out about this, he had Valentine arrested and thrown in jail. In an embellishment to the original story, on the evening before Valentine was to be executed, he wrote the first "valentine" himself, addressed to a young girl variously identified as his beloved, as the jailer's daughter whom he had befriended and healed, or both. It was a note that read "From your Valentine."

The first recorded association of Valentine's Day with romantic love is in "Parlement of Foules", written in 1382 by Geoffrey Chaucer.

"For this was on seynt Volantynys day
Whan euery bryd comyth there to chese his make."

(For this was on Saint Valentines Day, when every bird comes there to choose his mate.)

(Thanks, Wikipedia!!!)

My first image of this Valentines Day was glancing out the window at about 7.30 am, seeing a guy in his dressing gown and bare feet, going to his white van parked just up the road, climbing in, writing his card which he proceeded to lick down as he walked back to his flat, also clutching a bunch of flowers which had been in the van overnight, presumably not in water, and therefore looking a bit bedraggled.... Still, it is the thought that counts. At least he remembered!

The thought that counts.... Hmmmm..... Well, that was what I was relying on... I must admit, I didn't send or receive a card this year. Not that we forgot! My fiancee lives about 8000 miles away, in a place where the postal service is to say the least erratic. It is unlikely that she would have received any card I sent. Deliveries full of errors rather than eros....

We both looked on line, but could not see anything suitable to send via the internet. But we had spent a lot of the preceeding days chatting thorough a lot of big issues, issues affecting our life together. All good stuff, and very much a focus for what our love is all about. Commitment, unity in difficult decisions, shared joys and sorrows, putting the other person first, wanting a love to flourish in which both of us are encouraged to grow more into the person we are, more into the person we can be, so that the love also grows.... That is an all year round love.... not a special occasions event, sponsored by Hallmark Cards....

So, Valentines Day.... The flowers fade, die, are thrown away. The chocolates are eaten. The special valentines day meal is consumed, and passes.... Even the cards get thrown away, I guess, eventually. But the love which is meaningful, lasts .........

Blue Sky Thinking - Part Two

As a postscript, here is a picture I took, as I looked out of the window yesterday, looked up, sought inspiration... And found it.... In the cross...

Blue Sky Thinking - Part One

I have had some concerns about a few issues at the moment, which have been much on my mind for the last few days. I have been working hard to tackle them, but it has taken some time. The situation has been frustrating and a bit disorientating for the people involved. It has been occupying a lot of my time and thoughts, and has weighed me down, to a certain extent. My sense of disorientation has been exacerbated, due to the fact that I have been living in a building site for months, as work is carried out on my house. I have lost my oasis of peace, and I needed to find that place again.

At those kind of times, it would be all too easy to look down, gaze at my navel…. Not literally, but just spending time, pondering what is going on… I do not generally get down, but I have been feeling frustrated and just a bit scared about what the consequences of the situation….

And then, along came Saturday…. It was a beautiful bright clear sunny day here in Essex. An unusual day for February, really. A day, when you want to be out and about, enjoying the sunshine. And instead, I was stuck indoors, trying to finish off some information gathering, which would hopefully help to resolve this issue. I was working at the desk in my bedroom, which looks out through the bay window into the street below, but also gives me a very big view of the sky. It was a big sky today. Do you know what I mean? There were the merest hints of clouds in a beautiful clear blue sky, which was criss-crossed with the vapour trails of jet planes, heading for here, there and everywhere. It was the kind of sky that just made you want to look up, to look out, to be hopeful, expectant…

I carried on working, and hoped that what I had done would help to resolve the situation. It did not, instantly, but we stuck at it, discussed it all, and came down to one final thing to do, which provided the final focus for the last few days of uncertainty. Then, as I sat on the bed, drawing my thoughts together, I heard a noise from the sky, and looking up, I saw several skeins of geese, flying in classic V formation…. It is something I have rarely witnessed in this area…. And again, it made me look up, up to the sky, as I watched them pass overhead.

I looked up on the net to see what kind of birds would be flying overhead with such purpose in the middle of February. And I found that this part of the world has its own population (albeit temporary) of Brent geese, which head for the marshlands to conserve energy during the winter, before heading back to the Arctic tundra of Russia as spring approaches, to breed. They are amazing creatures… They take on a journey of 3000 miles to get here for the winter, then when the weather looks like perking up (as it did today), they start thinking about doing the return journey of 3000 miles, to go back home to breed. They fly in the V formation to conserve energy, taking turns to take the lead, as that is the most exhausting job. Half of the journey is through the skies above the tundra, which is a hostile environment, barren, flat, waterlogged, and even in early June, largely covered by snow and ice. Not all of the birds survive, by any means. Mortality is high on the journey, but it is survival of the fittest and most adaptable, and they pass on that strength and adaptability to their offspring. The Arctic summer lasts two months, but conditions are generally right for breeding…. In a short, frantic nesting season, young birds are aided by an explosion of insect life in the tundra pools and the 24 hours of daylight to make rapid growth. There is a scarcity of human and natural predators, and there is an amazing amount of empty space in which to roam. The kids arrive…Grow a bit…. And then it is chocks away, and off back down south to holiday for the winter again….

I was grateful for that glimpse of nature today. And the information I read, about the geese. It helped me focus, particularly after the last few days….

Life is a journey, and it has its tough sections. Issues to be resolved, episodes which are not enjoyable at the time, but are periods of passage, transition, times of getting from this place to that place. At such times, it is a case of focusing, nose to the grindstone, getting through the tasks we face, sometimes with not a great deal of joy or enjoyment…. And then there are times of recovery, not hibernation as such, but times of refreshment, of gathering energy for further journeys ahead. Those journeys can be hard, and that process can toughen us up. Because the journeys can take us into difficult territory, but that can be where we are most effective. Like those geese, heading for the hostile tundra, in order to breed, because the conditions there are generally right for birth and growth.In the end, I was glad I was doing what I was doing today. Not only because it is now done, and the situation is now resolved, but also because I was in the right place, to look up, see, and understand a little bit more of life’s journeys….

So thanks, Brent Goose…

History Makers - Part Two

So, what was Part 1 all about? Why the need to dip into the American sports locker room for a subject to write about? I was going to carry on with my thoughts earlier, but it would have made for a very long piece.... So here is Part 2.

Well, first, it WAS a fairly amazing display of athleticism and determination. Here is a link to the actual play.... (NB You have to sit through an advert for peanuts first!!)

http://www.nfl.com/videos?videoId=09000d5d8067d05e

Whatever the angle you view it from, it was a very determined piece of play from the quarterback, to get clear of the opponents who were clinging on to him, trying to bring him down, and he then displayed accuracy and strength of throw; and then, there was no little concentration, skill and bravery from the wide receiver (the guy who caught the ball, and amazingly, clung on to it). Despite the efforts of his opponent, he kept his eye on the ball, was fit enough to get up to the ball, and had the strength to cling on, again despite opposition.

I woke up this morning, with this game on my mind, and this incident in particular. The undefeated New England Patriots went into the game thinking they were going to make history, in becoming the first team since 1972 (and only the second team ever) to go through the season undefeated. They had all the stars. They had the impressive stats to back up the success they had already had this season. They had won the Superbowl in three of the previous seasons. They had form. The Giants had not won the Superbowl since 1970, which is amazing, seeing as they are from New York, New York, a wonderful town. They had lost their first two games of the season. They had made it into the play-offs, on a wildcard (not sure what that means, to be honest, but I guess they were not top of their division!!) The Giants were very much the underdogs. Some of their players had been criticised.... Even in the final minute of the game, when the Giants were still down by 14 points to 10, and trying desperately to get up the field to within range of their opponents' end zone, they were being taunted by the New England Patriots players. One even suggested that they should go home now..... if they did not want to come to the Patriots' Superbowl winning party... It reminded me of Goliath, taunting the Israelites.... "Come on, who is man enough to fight me?" There is a splendid irony in the fact that one of the underdogs, who had such a vital part to play, the guy who made THAT catch, was called David...

I guess we sometimes look at the rich, the powerful, the famous, the influential, and think that they are the ones who make history..... and yet, so often, it can be the little guy who makes the difference. The underdog.

Two Saturdays ago, I endured a Saturday night which was very painful. As I have said in the "About me" section, Emma my fiancee is working out in the Philippines at the moment, so we spend a fair bit of time being separated by about 8000 miles. I was out in the Philippines for a three week visit, which was lovely. But we had spoken a lot about how the immediate future is shaping up, as she continues to live and work there with her girls, and I live and work here with my family. Things were happening which seemed to indicate that she would be staying out there for longer than we originally thought. Most of the time, I have a very clear sense of us having a relationship and love which is very much blessed by God. We work really well as a team, complement each other well, and Emma is supportive of my roles back here in the UK, and I of hers in the Philippines. I say, most of the time... Occasionally, I take my eye off the ball. That Saturday evening, I was feeling a bit uncertain about things, and felt in need of some reassurance. I did not communicate that at all well. Retreated into myself. And was giving off vibes that I resented the attention that Emma was giving to another situation, concerning friends about whom she cares deeply, and was addressing, on her computer. The best thing would have been to share in that, as we usually do. But no, I took my eye off the ball. And began to feel sorry for myself...

Eventually, we talked about it, and that chat was painful for me, as it forced me to look at how I was, just for that afternoon / evening. Things were getting in the way of our relationship, and I was the point of weakness. But Emma managed to combine exasperation (which was probably quite warranted) with love and concern. She managed to evade the attentions which threatened to trip us up, and with a lot of skill, and patience, passed me a lot of questions, to which I had to respond.... Questions about what I saw my role in life to be. How I would exercise my calling as God's man, both in the UK and the Philippines. I made sure I kept my eye on the ball then.... Concentrated on what was important, ignored other distractions... And reached for the prize, the value and worth of our relationship, the love we have, the belief that she has in me as a person, and I have in her.... And having leapt, and caught the ball, clung on gratefully. Knowing just how important it is to work through these things.... There was joy and peace afterwards....

The following day in church, we firstly sang a song which said "I'm trading my sorrows, I'm trading my pain. I'm laying them down for the joy of the Lord." To which I could say a hearty "Yes, Lord, yes Lord, yes, yes, Lord".... And then, we sang "Open the eyes of my heart Lord", and I had a real sense of needing to keep my eyes open, to see what God was doing in my life and the lives of those around me. And then we sang a song by delirious! called "History Maker". The chorus goes:

"I'm gonna be a history maker in this land. I'm gonna be a speaker of truth to all mankind. I'm gonna stand, I'm gonna run into your arms, into your arms again, into your arms, into your arms again."

I sang it at the top of my voice.... Because I do want to be a history maker, both in the UK and in the Philippines. Not famous, or celebrated. Certainly not a celebrity. But just, someone who is involved in speaking truth, in seeing people freed up to be what they can be, not held back by poverty or debt or oppression. To stand up, to be a man, for God, and for the people of those nations.

That important play in the Superbowl would have been forgotten, if it had not led, two plays later, to the match-winning touchdown.... It would have been a moment of incredible skill, but nothing more.... The history would have been made by the Patriots and their unbeaten run. And yet, without the important play, the end result would not have happened. So, I am conscious that the experiences of that Saturday night and Sunday morning are important but not the end of the story by any means. There are more plays to come, which may see the results come. But I have this feeling that was an important scene in my life, and that history is in the making.....

History Makers - Part One

Well, I'm tired this morning. Why? Well, it has something to do with the fact that the Giants who were the underdogs are this morning the world champions....

You what, Jo? You tired or something?

Let me explain. Last night, I stayed up to watch Superbowl XCII (that's 42, to those unversed in roman numerology) on BBC2. The Beeb's first Superbowl (a little bit of history there). I haven't watched a Superbowl for ages.... But I saw it was on, was not tired (when it began!!) and fancied watching it.... the New York Giants against the New England Patriots.....

The Giants were very much the underdogs.... They had an inexperienced quarterback (that's like the most influential player in the team usually), and the Patriots were on an undefeated season long run of 18 games. If they could win the Superbowl, they would go down in history, with a 19-0 undefeated run to win it (the best previous was 17 - 0, by the Miami Dolphins back in 1972 apparently). The Patriots were the form team, making history with their stats (how the Americans love their sports stats).

It was a tight game, lots of tough defense, shutting out the offense really well. 3-0 to the Giants at the end of the first quarter, but with the commentators predicting that the Patriots offence would really come into it.... Sure enough, at the start of the second quarter, the Patriots score a converted touchdown, and that is 7-3. Defence dominates the rest of the quarter, and there is no further score. 7-3 to the Patriots at half time. And on come Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers for the half time show, singing amongst other songs their determined song "And I won't back down". And that song became the anthem of the rest of the match. Neither side backed down or gave any quarter in the third, which was scoreless, so going into the final quarter, it was still the Patriots in the lead. History beckoning.....

But several guys had other ideas. Eli Manning.... David Tyree .... Plaxico Burress..... Not heard of them? If you watch some news today, you might.... Manning passes to Tyree. He scores his first touchdown of the season... great time to do it, eh, in the "Cup Final". The kick is good, and that is 10 - 7 to the Giants, with just over 11 minutes to go. But the Patriots are experienced, calm. They score their own converted touchdown with only 2 minutes and 42 seconds to go, and it is 14 - 10 to the Patriots.

But the Giants, the little guys on this occasion, will not back down. From a seemingly impossible situation, Eli Manning escapes the clutches of the Patriots defense, and comes up with an incredible 35 yard pass to David Tyree. Remember him, scored his first touch down of the season earlier in the quarter? Well, he came up with something even better. Leaping in the air, catching the ball above his head, despite a Patriots player doing his level best to stop him (look at the photo above), clutching it to his helmet, falling heavily from a great height, and still clinging on..... He admitted afterwards that he was possibly the least likely player on the Giants' team sheet to make such a magnificent grab, saying "I've probably got the worst vertical leap on the football team. But when opportunity presents itself, that has been my motto for most of my career - You have to make the most of your opportunities." Cue lots of cries of "He's the man!!!!" It set up a very good position, and despite the fact that Burress came up with the touchdown with 35 seconds to go, from another Manning pass, that was the all important moment, the moment of history. The moment which determined that the Patriots would not end the season with a 19 - 0 run and be the "World Champions".

There was no further score... The Giants won 17 - 14. Eli Manning won most valuable player, for his passing... The Giants, the little guys really, David rather than Goliath, did not back down.... They were the history makers....

To be continued ....

First Post

First post, and what to say? I am not sure.... Not because I have nothing to say... More so because there is so much I want to write about, so much to record, so many memories, so many thoughts....I am out in the Philippines at the moment, and I always find so much life is happening out here.... So much that is new. So much that is challenging. So much that is life enhancing.....

It is difficult to know where to start....So I will content my self with this.... That this place is a place where I will be honest. Where I will be realistic. Where I will seek to record what is happening to me.... And if, in that process, it is of interest to anyone, well, great....

Feel free to join in....